Deployments can be tough on children; FFSC can help

(Editor’s note: First of two parts on helping children cope with military-related issues.)

Nine-year-old Kristy was a lively little girl described by her parents as “loving, helpful and a great listener.”

A few months ago, Kristy’s mother noticed that her once-happy child had begun to withdraw from friends and spent a great deal of time at home alone in her room. When Kristy’s mother tried to engage her, Kristy would talk back and refuse to listen. Kristy’s behavior at home eventually leaked into her behavior at school, resulting in several notes being sent home from her teacher and slipping grades.

Many children respond to changes in their lives as Kristy did. Change is an inevitable part of life. Many changes in life are normal, such as moving, divorce, graduation and childbirth, to name a few. Deployments are a unique change faced by military families.

Any change can result in disrupting the stability of the family system. Normal reactions to change can produce a variety of feelings ranging anywhere from anger and frustration to sadness and loneliness.

Changes can also result in behavioral shifts. Children can respond to parental separations by increased noncompliance, irritability, nightmares, crying spells and decreased academic performance. Any alteration of routine can leave children feeling insecure and can result in such behavioral changes. Oftentimes, children lack the ability to effectively express themselves, looking as though they are simply misbehaving.

According to the theory of family stress and adaptation, “The ability to effectively adapt to changes is affected by a family’s response to a stressful event, their resources and the presence or absence of effective coping strategies”(McCubbin & Patterson 1983). Maintaining consistency in a child’s life can minimize some of the impact deployment has on the family. Consistent routines help foster feelings of safety, resulting in increased compliance by children. Having regularly scheduled times to talk to a deployed loved one can also reduce fears associated with deployments, although this is not always possible.

The Fleet and Family Support Center (FFSC) offers programs to help minimize stress associated with deployments. United Through Reading is one such program: The deploying service member is videotaped reading to their children. Children are then able to read along with the video recording throughout the service member’s deployment as a means of staying connected.

Another program offered by FFSC is Military Kids and Teens Clubs, which are offered as support groups throughout the year at several nearby schools.

Sometimes seeking counseling may be necessary if your child’s behaviors do not subside. Seeking counseling does not mean that you are a bad parent. Sometimes children respond to their parent’s reaction to stress associated with deployment, resulting in noncompliance.

For more information, call the FFSC at Naval Base Ventura County at 982-5037.

— Alicia Newitt, M.S., LMFT, is a child counselor at the Naval Base Ventura County Fleet and Family Support Center.